There is panic in the corridors of Brussels tonight as the search goes on for an EU apparatchik apparently gone insane. Specialists believe that this individual – frustrated at having nothing of any use whatsoever to do – especially of course anything that could conceivably create any wealth for Europe – has publicized what can only be described as “a cunning plan” as detailed below:
“Bankruptcy should be renamed ‘debt adjustment’, recommends Riccardo Ribera d’Alcala, the EU’s Directorate General for International Policies, who said that use of the word bankruptcy was too potent and made it difficult for people to rebuild their financial reputation.”
Indeed, heaven forbid that anyone should be stigmatized. Shame on us for having stigmatized Hitler in an earlier age. Was his upbringing taken into account? Were his human rights considered?
But this hapless individual – forever to be known hereafter as Mr Debt Adjustment – cannot take all the blame, for euphemismitis is rampant in the EU, partly one suspects to confuse the plebs. Thus it is that we have:
QE = Quantitative Easing, which in Realspeak means of course:
“more borrowing and/or printing of money designed to solve the problem of too much borrowing and printing of money; a cunning plan which has the great benefit of raising inflation to inflate away the debt and coincidentally (but who cares?) stuff the plebs out of their increasingly-worthless savings (Idiots! Everyone knows that saving is for mugs!)”
or indeed my particular favourite:
OFT = Outright Financial Transaction.
Again, one feels obliged to translate this into Realspeak, whereupon we get:
“an ordinary financial transaction (or to be more precise bung of “money” handily printed, borrowed and/or imagined by the ECB) which has been got at by the EU Marketing Department so as to sound more final, decisive and posh.”
Another favourite is:
an SPV = a special purpose vehicle, or in other words:
“EITHER a con designed to pour billions more euros down the euro black hole without the plebs realising it OR Barroso’s new limo specially designed to be resistant to tomato-throwing plebs”.
In any case, all of these brilliant EU inventions come into the well-worn category of “You could not make it up.”
And prompt the question: “When will we see an end to this criminal lunacy?”
Perhaps Mr Debt Adjustment could be put in charge of a new department: Realspeak Production. Then he could no doubt come up with some handy ideas such as:
death = permanent elsewhereness
creative accounting = theft
EU accounts = theft
remunatory readjustment = vast and totally unmerited payrise
The potential is endless.