STOP PRESS: “The eurozone was facing fresh splits today after one of the European Central Bank’s most senior figures said the bank should not be used to fund national debts and that if it was forced to, it would mean the end of the single currency.”
An exasperated Mario Draghi, tired of being pressured to print money, called the idea “a tyical EU cunning plan worthy of Baldrick”, while from Baldrick Towers in Berkshire comes the news that the family estate is preparing to sue him for slander and “an appalling slur” on the quality of his plans. Lawyers are quietly confident on the basis that the mere association of the EU with the Baldrick name is an ipso facto guarantee of success.
Meanwhile, French authorities are putting it about that a downgrading would be irrelevant since “those ratings are for little countries, not those like France” and that if France wasn’t good enough for the ratings agencies then the latter were certainly not good enough for the former, so they could “stuff their rating”.
Sources close to the President referred to a CIA plot to destabilize Europe and save the dollar. Snarlkozy called on European countries to unite, saying that they should all sink or swim together. There is no news of how this demand to Germany that it should sink with the rest of them has gone down, though Frau Merkel is reported not to be amused.