LIBYA – Overnight Report
Well, the overnight battle score seems to be:
- Gaddafi’s tanks, planes and artillery 10
- the unassisted people of al-Zawiya and their sticks, stones and a few hunting rifles NIL.
But better news from the UN, which has dealt Gaddafi a devastating blow in suspending Libya from the UN Human Rights Council. The fact that Libya was even a member of this group will surprise many, but Gaddafi’s representatives had in fact brought a number of innovations to Human Rights in recent years.
Most notable was the policy of hiring mercenaries to shoot protestors in the head. As a Gaddafi spokesman said: “These youths hallucinated by drugs and inspired by Al Qaeda deserve to be put out of their misery as rapidly as possible so shooting in the head has been developed by us to a high degree, with the practical results clearly seen in the current crisis.”
News of Gaddafi’s elite troops trained by the British SAS is rather limited, but of course these people operate under cover in camouflage for much of the time, probably using advanced lasers to direct the sniper fire of the imported mercenaries.
Gaddafi himself is now comparing himself to the Queen, and analysts expect him in his next rant to compare himself to Blair, which will certainly be yet another feather in Blair’s cap. However, the architect of the return of Megrahi to Libya has been strangely silent in recent days, which of course is not at all like the old Blair. Are Campbell and Mandelscum at this very moment trying to put a spin on all this that will enable them to emerge as anything but the serial scum that they really are?
Meanwhile, the Cuban supercomputer analysing political events is reported to have blown a fuse since the predicted invasion by the US to seize the oilfields and declare them the 51st state of the Union has not yet materialised. Engineers are said to be planning to sue the American makers. Fidel has been seen wandering around muttering incomprehensibly to himself. Friends and admirers are not too worried, however, as he has been doing this for decades.
Further south, Hugo Chavez both welcomes the glorious revolution against a tyrant and in the next breath blames the US. Of course, these people can’t open their mouths without blaming the US so perhaps this latest attack was purely force of habit. Who knows? You really need a supercomputer to make any sense out of what these people say.
Armadilloblab in Iran is both hailing the success of the revolution and expressing horror that a government could fire on its own protesting civilians. Interestingly, researchers have discovered that in his youth he was a stand-up comedian and have concluded that he has not completely thrown off old habits.
Meanwhile in the UK the government is reported to have seized assets of the Gaddafi family. Funny old world. One minute Brown and Blair are sucking up to Old Camelface and shaking his hand, with Jack Straw congratulating him on his “statesmanship” and the next we are freezing his assets. Of course, it is a lot easier to freeze assets than do anything practical to stop the slaughter.
Still, at least Cameron keeps saying “I’m very sorry.” which is more than we’re ever likely to hear from Brown, Blair or Scumbag. Incidentally, rumours of a Scumbag sighting enjoying caviar and bubbly on deck of an oligarch’s yacht have been fiercely denied. “He wasn’t on deck – he was in the stateroom below,” claimed a spokesman.
But Gaddafi’s lawyers are preparing to sue the government on the basis that Libya is – as we have been told – a “sovereign country”. Can you in fact legally freeze the assets of the leaders of “a sovereign country”? The European Court of Human Injustice is expected to adjudicate.
Any good news? Well, numerous Gaddafi cronies and hatchet-men are jumping ship and claiming to have been closet revolutionaries all along. This is the well-known technique of “stealing the revolution”, first magnificently deployed in France in the early 1790s and then most famously by Josef Stalin. Rather ominously, the two daughters of one of these awakened souls were later paraded on Libyan state television to denounce their father, public denouncements being a special feature of fascist governments – the US being denounced by Cuba (and many others of course) almost every five minutes. The current whereabouts of the hapless daughters is unknown, but there is undoubtedly plenty of room left in the mass graves being prepared all over the country, so no doubt they will turn up dead sooner or later.
Obama continues to make great speeches, though once again a supercomputer is needed to try to discern anything substantive from among the glorious rhetoric. Analysts have noticed his masterly use of the falling tone to indicate gravitas. However, gravitas without any content is wearing a bit thin. Has he been studying too many Gordon Brown speeches?
So, as another day dawns, expect more scenes from hospitals of bloodstained young men with limbs blown off on the one hand and more reports from the UN about Libya’s suspension from various committees on the other. Still, as long as sanctions are applied we can feel we have done our best to help the cause of freedom from tyrants. After all, Libya is a sovereign country.