Here is the speech David Miliband should have made to the conference following his brother’s victory.
“Unfortunately, despite Ed’s feat in pulling off this election with the help of 9% of union militants whipped up by Dave Whelan and others, it gives me no pleasure to congratulate him on his victory, since it pretty clearly marks the beginning of a long period of opposition for the Labour Party. To understand what has happened you only had to see the ominous sight of Dave Whelan and Bob Crowe racing round the conference hotel shouting “Yippee”, Yippee” when the result was announced.
A model example of “yoof” as I am, I am old enough to remember the last time the Labour Party revelled in its association with the unions. Unfortunately – again – this also marked the beginning of the Thatcher era, when our great party was left flopping around on the shore like a stranded whale for the next 15 years.
And if the sight of the Whelan brigade’s antics didn’t convince you, perhaps you caught the comment of Neil Kinnock, that great example of failed British politicians making their fortune in the feeding troughs of Brussels. Apparently, Neil was over the moon, saying: “We’ve got our party back.”
He clearly means the one that spent the Thatcher years in useless limbo rather than the Blair years of three winning elections. Poor old Blair; we all hate him but he won three elections on the trot. Amazing how exactly this mirrors the Thatcher years. Blair and Thatcher, eh ….. Whatever their faults, they have a certain credibility when compared to Callaghan and Kinnock.
Well, Good luck Ed – you’ll need it. The survival period as leader of the opposition isn’t that long; a bit like a football manager…… I have to say that it hasn’t begun well, with threats of higher taxes. Yes, you may have gently rubbished Brown, but you seem not to understand the depths of incompetence to which he descended, with you as a not entirely innocent participant in the shambles.
I’d advise you to pay heed to Essex man; he won’t take kindly to enormous tax rises to finance a continuation of the preposterous Labour extravagance of recent years. And do get a good PR man. I don’t know who is advising George Osborne, but he hasn’t put a foot wrong yet. “The Labour Party spent £800 of public money on a Christmas tree for Number 10,” he said yesterday. “I think I’ll go down the market and get one for £20 quid myself.”
That sort of folksy responsibility goes down well, Ed. And do keep well away from Dave Whelan ……